You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
