Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
