Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
