Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love having hate sex.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
