Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
