all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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