i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
