i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
