so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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