are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
