Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
