That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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