My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
