Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
