The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
