I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
