Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
