i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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