You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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