go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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