I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
