good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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