and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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