Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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