Im at strip club and am horny
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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