bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
