Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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