Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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