I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
