Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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