i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
