i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
