So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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