areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
