I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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