He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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