just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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