Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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