Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
