It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
