tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Randomize
