She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
