I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
