sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
