I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Did I show you my penis last night?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
