Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
