those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
