so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
