it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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