Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
